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I promise I won’t sell your email address to an evil corporation (or to a good one), unless the offer is so amazingly generous that you and I look at each other, and you shrug as if to say, “who the hell wants an email address anyway?”, then after the deal goes through, we spread the proceeds out onto the kitchen table, shovel our cuts into grocery bags barely able to contain them without ripping, and laugh together all night and into the morning.